Tuesday, April 24, 2007
In Other Words
"Busyness in NOT a spiritual gift."
I love this quote because I think, as women, we can identify with it in a vey special way. There are so many things we can get involved in, so many things we're asked to get involved in, so many worthwhile things to do, so many volunteers needed at church in so many areas......... The challenge is knowing which of those things we're supposed to do and not feeling guilty when we say no.
I've already read a couple of posts that talk about this so well. We simply cannot be all things to all people. When I finally thought about my life as having different seasons, it became a lot easier to focus on the things I felt the Lord would have me do at that particular time of my life.
I was blessed to be able to stay at home with my children. I know that was my main ministry for many years. Now the nest is empty. I thought when I reached this season of my life I would have lots more time to do the things I felt I wanted to do and that God would have me do - but God had a different plan for this season of my life.
The diabetes my husband had been living with since he was nineteen finally began to take a terrible toll on his eyes about twenty years ago. After a series of operations he lost the vision in one eye and was unable to work any more. So I found myself facing "early retirement". It was an adjustment, to say the least, to have my husband home all the time. I will be honest and admit that I felt a bit cheated. This was supposed to be "my time" - my season to do the things I hadn't been able to do before. Now I had someone who wanted to do things with me - the person who treasures "alone time" and had waited with great anticipation for that day to arrive. Now I had someone else to consider all the time ....again.
The Lord and I had to work on this one for a long time before I finally just surrendered my big plans and accepted this new ministry God had given me. My husband isn't bed ridden or housebound. He can still drive. He still has things he enjoys doing, but it's different than when he used to go to work all day. We are together most of the time.
Once I gave up my "rights" things got so much easier for me. I don't know what it is about doing things that makes me feel better. Somehow I feel more worthy if I know I've done something for the Lord. I suppose there is a "something" inside of us (of me anyway) that wants to feel I've done something to earn all God has so freely given me in Jesus. I decided that if God had allowed this in our lives then He wanted me to do what He had now given me to do. I've come to enjoy doing things with my husband and getting to share conversation and laughter instead of resenting the fact that I'm not doing the things I thought I would be doing. Oh - I still sometimes long for a bit of alone time, and God graciously works that out.
We've had some new health concerns recently that have made me realize how precious each day is. I am learning to take each day and try to live it as the Lord would have me (and I surely don't do that as consistently as I should). I have my Bible Study each wednesday, my husband and I work for the music librarian at church on wednesday afternoons, and we both sing in the choir. I have my piano lessons, and I now have this new interest - blogging! It's been difficult not to feel guilty that I don't do more. I just can't quite seem to get away from that "works mentality". However, I know this is where the Lord wants me right now. I am trying to use the gift He has given me in the place where He has put me. There is great contentment in that.
There will probably be other seasons of my life. I will just wait to see what the Lord has planned for me. For now I want so much to please Him by doing the ministry He has called me to well.
If you would like to participate or read other posts on this quote please go to Christine's blog - Fruit in Season. She has written a wonderful post on this quote.