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Name: Linda

Location: Texas

I am a wife, mom and grandma. I am doing what I've wanted to do all my life. I am a Christian and I love the Lord.

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Wednesday, September 27, 2006
Soul Searching
I have been doing some soul searching for a few weeks now. I have been trying and failing to get this blogging into some sort of balance in my life. Unfortunately, what began with good motives turned into something else. I don’t mean to sound “super spiritual”, but I truly did begin blogging because I thought it was something the Lord put on my heart to do. I had never even thought about doing it, when suddenly I was introduced to it and felt that little nudge.

I began because I thought it would be a way to use my love of the written word to minister in some way. That’s how I began. However, it very quickly turned into something much different. I never lost the desire to somehow have my writing be used by God, but I found myself getting caught in the same trap I have fallen into so many times before. I want so much to be liked and approved - to be one of the “girls” – I tumbled back into what I commonly refer to in my own mind as my “High School mentality”. In High School I wanted so much to part of the popular crowd, and eventually I was. It meant a lot to me – certainly too much. I have a difficult time breaking free of that.

When I found myself worried about how many comments I had; worried about not hurting anyone else’s feeling by not returning comments; trying desperately to make my blog look better; neglecting the important things I need to do in order to spend more time on the computer; I knew I had fallen into the pit again. I’ve known I need to get things in balance. I even wrote a post about it way at the beginning. But I haven’t done what I need to do – make the changes.

I find that if I need to be hit over the head with something, the Lord will oblige me. Could it be coincidence that there have been several posts lately about this very thing? I don’t think so. I need to get my act together – now.

As others have said so much better than I, I don’t want anyone to feel they must comment or read my post if I read or comment on theirs. I will do as much as I can as far as reading and commenting once I’ve done the things the Lord would have me do first. This is going to be hard for me. I can’t tell you how much meeting all of the wonderful women in this blogging community has meant to me. I know that’s why I got carried away. This is so much more than I ever imagined. I love reading the beautiful, heartfelt posts. I appreciate every comment I get. It is all so special to me. I don’t want to lose touch with anyone. You have all come to mean so much to me.

I deleted the site meter and the links. I do have bloglines, so I won’t be out of touch. I will write as often and read as many posts and comment as much as I can. I need to put this in writing and make a commitment to the Lord – to give this back to Him and let Him do with it what He pleases.

Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments and words of encouragement. I love this. I ‘m not going to quit; I’m just going to do it right.

  posted at 5:06 PM

At 6:56 PM, Blogger momrn2 said...

Such honesty... that's what I love here. I think a lot of us have been doing some thinking and soul searching.

Good for you for taking steps you felt necessary to make it what you originally intended it to be. I, too, have made some slight changes.

At 7:57 PM, Blogger Rachel said...

I know where you are coming from! Blogging can keep one far busier than they had intended it to and you can get caught up in it and let other things go. I am guilty of that I'm afraid. Blogging friends are wonderful, but God has to be first in our lives.

You are doing the right thing and your blog friends will understand! God Bless!

At 8:32 PM, Blogger Morning Glory said...

I've read so many posts like this lately. Many times I have stepped back and told myself that this isn't a popularity game. I know it's of utmost importance to the self-identity of some, but it really needs to be kept in the proper perspective. You are in my bloglines and will stay there. If you comment on mine, that's great, and vice versa. But I'll know you're there reading as I will be reading yours.

Don't be hard on yourself, but just enjoy the whole process.

At 10:59 PM, Blogger Sue said...

Good luck to you as you make the changes you feel you must.
I've also read many posts like yours and the underlying concern is finding that "balance".
I'll keep you in bloglines and check in from time to time..

At 1:30 AM, Blogger Barb said...

This is exactly where I am, Linda, as you know after reading the post I did Monday. It's amazing to me how many of us reached this point within days of each other.

I really think we spent our summers getting caught up in the wonder of how easy it was to meet so many people we immediately connected with, have so much in common with and just want to be friends with. But even good friends know they can't "live" with each other.

So good for you. Just step back, take a deep breath, regroup.

I plan to spend tomorrow baking cookies. I may do some serious cleaning and I plan to go grocery shopping. And tomorrow night, I'll come in here and check in with my friends. And I'll read and comment on several. And I'll catch up with the rest of them the next day.

There just has to be a way to enjoy this without being obsessive about it.

I do feel this in my heart. We all found new friends we want to stay connected with. So we'll figure out a way to do it.

At 4:10 PM, Blogger Pamela said...

Linda, hope you find some peace and balance, you are such a sweet friend and it should be enjoyable without making you feel guilty or like you are neglecting other areas of your life.


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