I have been doing some soul searching for a few weeks now. I have been trying and failing to get this blogging into some sort of balance in my life. Unfortunately, what began with good motives turned into something else. I don’t mean to sound “super spiritual”, but I truly did begin blogging because I thought it was something the Lord put on my heart to do. I had never even thought about doing it, when suddenly I was introduced to it and felt that little nudge.

I began because I thought it would be a way to use my love of the written word to minister in some way. That’s how I began. However, it very quickly turned into something much different. I never lost the desire to somehow have my writing be used by God, but I found myself getting caught in the same trap I have fallen into so many times before. I want so much to be liked and approved - to be one of the “girls” – I tumbled back into what I commonly refer to in my own mind as my “High School mentality”. In High School I wanted so much to part of the popular crowd, and eventually I was. It meant a lot to me – certainly too much. I have a difficult time breaking free of that.

When I found myself worried about how many comments I had; worried about not hurting anyone else’s feeling by not returning comments; trying desperately to make my blog look better; neglecting the important things I need to do in order to spend more time on the computer; I knew I had fallen into the pit again. I’ve known I need to get things in balance. I even wrote a post about it way at the beginning. But I haven’t done what I need to do – make the changes.

I find that if I need to be hit over the head with something, the Lord will oblige me. Could it be coincidence that there have been several posts lately about this very thing? I don’t think so. I need to get my act together – now.

As others have said so much better than I, I don’t want anyone to feel they must comment or read my post if I read or comment on theirs. I will do as much as I can as far as reading and commenting once I’ve done the things the Lord would have me do first. This is going to be hard for me. I can’t tell you how much meeting all of the wonderful women in this blogging community has meant to me. I know that’s why I got carried away. This is so much more than I ever imagined. I love reading the beautiful, heartfelt posts. I appreciate every comment I get. It is all so special to me. I don’t want to lose touch with anyone. You have all come to mean so much to me.

I deleted the site meter and the links. I do have bloglines, so I won’t be out of touch. I will write as often and read as many posts and comment as much as I can. I need to put this in writing and make a commitment to the Lord – to give this back to Him and let Him do with it what He pleases.

Thank you so much for all the wonderful comments and words of encouragement. I love this. I ‘m not going to quit; I’m just going to do it right.

Blessings,
Linda