I've been a Christian since I was a litle girl, but I find that even with that "headstart" there are so many lessons that are very difficult to learn. It was a time when I desperately wanted the Lord to do something for us. I prayed fervently, had others pray, sought counsel, did everything I knew to do, and heaven was silent. Then one morning as I was sweeping the kitchen floor, it was as though an audible voice spoke to my heart, "All right Linda. I have heard your prayers, and I have a question for you. Do you want me to give you what you've asked for, or do you want My will in this very difficult situation?" It was, for me, a life-changing moment. I knew then that no matter how desperately I felt I needed something, if I truly loved the Lord as I said I did and believed His word, what I truly wanted more than anything else was His will. Our situation didn't change, but I did. I gave it to the Lord, and He gave me all I needed.
So....lesson learned - or maybe not. We have recently had something come into our lives that has eclipsed anything we have ever faced. There were times I felt as though the weight of it had buried me alive. I had dreaded it for months; prayed so hard that God would deliver us from it. However, my worst nightmare came true, and I was devastated. I felt such disappointment with God, I couldn't pray for a very long time.
He never gave up on me. He patiently waited until I knew that there was nowhere else to run but to Him. When I finally did, I came face to face with what is so basic in my relationship with the Lord. Do I trust Him? Do I trust that He will indeed work all things together for our good. Do I believe He loves us with a love that knows no bounds? Do I believe He is in control and wasn't taken by surprise by any of this? I do. I believe He is who He says He is, and I believe He can do what He says He can do (Yes, I did that Beth Moore "Believing God" Bible study.). Perhaps the miracle is waiting for us some time in the future; perhaps He has a different purpose in all of this. I only know I must trust Him, because without Him nothing makes sense. He is my hope and my joy. He has given me that peace that passes understanding. It is truly a miracle. I thought there would never be joy or peace or hope again. I was wrong. He is all those things and more. He knew us before the foundations of the earth, and He has a plan - to prosper us, not to harm us. He is so very good.
Blessings, Linda